Mentality Imbroglio
by CaitSith
Summary: Pikachu atempts to take over midgar, the chocobo mafia demands money, and kuja appears in one scene. Its just thuper!


Pikachu glanced at his minions, and then hit his pointer on the chart he was showing them,  
waking them all up. "ThIs iS oUr FuNdS." Pikachu pointed to a red line that started at the tof the chart and then plummeted down to the bottom. "ThIs Is OuR eViL rAtInGs." Hointed to a black line that mimicked the red one. "CaN anYoNe gUeSs wHat tHiS mEaNs?"  
He glared at his SEEL members, looking each one of them over.   
  
Charles Manson's cell phone rang and he quickly picked it up and put it to his ear. "Yes? Holn." He put his hand over the cell phone and looked at Pikachu. "The Chocofather wants tnow why he hasn't been paid for all the times you used the Chocobo Mafia."   
  
"wHaT tHe HeLL Do ThEy EXpEcT Me To dO, paY eVerYonE i OWe mOnEy To?"  
Pikachu said. "dO I loOK lIkE FrIGgIn' UnCLe pENnYBaGs tO You?"  
  
"What should I tell him?"  
  
"TeLl HiM tO gO rApE sOmE ChIcKeNs or SomEthInG. WaIt. I HaVe a BeTtEr IdEa." Hulled out a sub machine gun and shot the cell phone, and Charles hand in the process.   
  
"Why!?"  
  
"BlaMe YoUrSeLf oR gOd." He turned to the other members. "AnYwAy, wHo CaN mAkE a  
GuEsS?" He looked at Dennis the phantom menace, Mint and Mr. Bean.  
  
Dennis raised his hand. "Why don't we ask those two? They're the ones were paying." Hointed at Zorn and Thorn, who were engaged in a heated game of chess, each making thame move the other did.  
  
"VeRy GoOd DeNnIs." He turned to Zorn and Thorn. "FrOm WhAt I HaVe SeEn, YoU  
hAvE dOnE nOthInG on YouR SoRcErrIs PlAn."  
  
Zorn looked up. "We decided to dump that idea."  
  
"ThAn WhAt tHe HeLl hAvE yoU BeEN DoInG wItH My MoNeY?"  
  
"Bought stock options, we did!" Thorn said before Zorn could shut him up.  
  
"WhAt!?"   
  
"Worry, do not! A plan, I have!" Thorn handed Pikachu a copy of the latest "Dictators  
Digest". It had one of the adds in it circled.   
  
Pikachu looked at it a moment and then ripped the magazine into pieces. "ThIs BeTtEr wOrK,  
oR iM thRoWiNg yOu BoTh OuT.  
  
  
Insanity Studios Presents   
Mentality Imbroglio  
  
"Hah, beat that score." Mog said as he showed Cait his Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 score.   
  
"Dude, that's weak. Check this out. He began his run with a 900, and then wall rode to thafters of the building. Just when he was about to preform his Saktap + 900 + Big Drop, Nekaved the news paper in front of his face, causing him to run into the wall and crash, sendinis score back to zero. Neko fell over laughing.   
  
"Cait, Cait!" Neko cried. "The alley cat hostage situation has gone in to its 10th and mosxciting day! Look!" He pointed to the front headline.  
  
Cait Sith, now angrier than before, grabbed the paper ripped the paper in to shreds. "Youined my game, for this?" He screamed.  
  
Mog picked up the paper. "Hey, they're using hypnoses on the masked assassin." He scannehe rest of the page.  
  
Spekkio chuckled. "Maybe we could use hypnoses on an audience so they think our band iood."  
  
"Shut the hell up Spekkio." Cait Sith. "Im going to get some air." He stepped outside.  
  
"Is he suffocating?" Mog asked, then tumbled to the floor laughing at his own joke.   
  
"Damn it, shut up!" Cait screamed from outside. "I think il go rob a vending machine." Humbled.   
  
* * *  
  
"Hmm, I wonder what color of rothe my thweet would like." Kuja looked at the large selectiohe flower seller had to offer. He couldn't decide, but he had to get something nice for Adel.  
"Il take them all."  
  
"And how will you be paying for this?" The man said, looking Kuja over.  
  
Kuja checked his pockets and pulled at several thousand dollars.  
  
The man took out a pencil and paper and began calculating.   
  
"Come on, hurry up." Kuja said impatiently. "Thath public thcooling for you thethe dayth."  
  
* * *  
  
"The green wire connected to the green wire." Zorn said out loud as he connected the twogether.   
  
Thorn glanced out the window at the two nearest planets. "Set the laser up in space, why die have to?"   
  
"Because it's the only place we could target multiple planets. Now get back to work." Honnected the blue wire to another blue wire and was immediately shocked.   
  
"Like this, it is!" Thorn took the blue wire and connected it to the red one. "There, finished, is!"  
He quickly got in one of two chairs by the laser. He began pressing buttons. "Test fire it, whould!"  
  
"Lets fire at..." Zorn spun a little globe around and then his it with his finger. "The chocobarm!"  
  
"Aimed and ready!"   
  
"Fire!" Thorn hit the big button marked "fire" and a green beam of light flew from the spactation.   
  
It hit the wall mart in casa de sol, showering debris all over the beach resort.  
  
"You aimed wrong!"  
  
"Shot wrong, you did!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Holy thit! What wath that!?" Kuja ran from the flower stand to investigate the explosion.  
When he got to the smoldering K-Mark, he was met by Cait Sith, who was holding a camernd filming the bizarre event.  
  
"Get out of the way! Im filming!" Cait tried to shove Kuja by pushing against his leg. He theid a double take and looked at the silver hared 'man'. "Hey, you're that guy from Sephirothand."   
He thought a moment. "Didn't I shoot you?"  
  
"Tho it wath you!" Kuja exclaimed angrily.  
  
"I think il be leaving now." Cait Sith mumbled and hastily departed.  
  
* * *  
  
"Okay, have you got it this time?" Thorn said, checking to make sure the firing mode was iroper order.  
  
"Got it this time, I do!" Thorn said, rechecking the coordinates. "Nuke Dollett!"   
  
Thorn the button, then scurried to his telescope. "Shit."  
  
"What happened?"   
  
"We blew up the mountain next to Balamb Garden."  
  
"All your fault, this is!"  
  
* * *  
  
As Rinoa scurried along the halls of Balamb Garden, replacing her "Anti Government" posterith "Anti Anti Government" posters, she noticed something strange. The air had filled witmoke. She waved her hand in a vain attempt to clear the air. "Squall, save me!"  
  
* * *  
  
Zell laid back on his bed and looked at the ceiling, listening to Majora's Pants. After a feinutes he noticed smoke drifting in through the top of his door. "Fire!" He dropped to hiands and knees and crawled out of his dorm. He made his way over to Squalls room. "Squall!  
Squall! There's a fire!"   
  
On the other side of the door Squall looked up at the fire alarm. "They must have set thafeteria on fire again." He mumbled. He walked to the door and opened it, hitting Zell in thace.   
  
"Ouch..."  
  
"He looked down at the form of Zell curled in a ball holding his face. "Whatever." He strolleown the hall at a leisurely pace, idly watching as students ran through the halls, in the samind of panic Zell was in. He made his way the cafeteria, only to find it evacuated also. "I  
wonder where all this smoke is coming form." He walked over to a window and peered out.  
What he was shocking. Half of the mountain next to Balamb was gone, and from where it wamoke spewed.   
He sighed. He had better go announce it on the intercom.   
  
As he walked toward the headmasters office Zell finally caught up with him. "Did you see whaappened?" He asked excitedly.  
  
"The mountain blew up."   
  
"What mountain? Where? Where are we going?" Zell asked, but unfortunately for him, Squalidn't feel like elaborating, so he just trailed after him in puzzlement.  
  
* * *  
  
"Attention Garden, attention." Squalls voice issued from the intercom. Selphie, Chu-Chu and  
Yuffie looked up from reading the latest Fan Girl, just noticing all of the smoke.   
  
"Gawd, what happened?" Yuffie looked at her fellow roomies.  
  
"Maybe they blew up the science lab again." Selphie giggled.  
  
"Maybe we should go look. Yuffie suggested.   
  
They all looked at each other, shook they're heads and went back to reading.  
  
* * *  
  
In a large laboratory, five scientists were at work.   
  
"It came down at 35 latitude and 82 longitude." One of the scientists said.  
  
"I estimate it will cause a damage radius of seven thousand." Another said.  
  
"I assume that it came from space."   
  
"I presume it was transmitted from a heavily militarized frigate from in-between the threlanets of Gaia and the two unnamed ones."  
  
The fifth scientist looked at the others in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
The second looked over at his colleague. "That's not harry! That's in intruder!" He said, jusow realizing that it was a woman in disguise.  
  
* * *  
  
"WhAt ThE hElL kInD oF oPeRaTiOn Do YoU tHiNk I aM rUnNinG? YoU aRe MaKiNg  
Me LoOk BaD!" Pikachu said over the telephone, shaking his fist with fury. "Im NoT pAyInG  
yOu To MiSs EvErY FrIgGiN sHoT You FiRE." He hung up and slammed his fist down ois desk. He glanced at the rest of the members of seel. "We ArE gOiNg To HaVe To KeEp  
EvErYoNe OcuPiEd sO tHeY dOn'T NoTiCe ThoSe TwO IdIoTs BlOwInG uP MuLtIpLe  
LaNd MaRkS wHiLe tHeY lEaRn HoW tO AiM. AnY IdEaS?"   
  
"Ohh, ohhh! Why don't we commit several assassinations, and claim the City Police aren'oing they're job! That ought to cause a riot!" Mr. Bean exclaimed excitedly.  
  
"We ArE lOoKiNg FoR sOmEtHiNg a LittLE MoRe WiDe ScALe."  
  
"Lets assassinate the president then!" Mint offered.  
  
"We Don't HaVeThE MONeY fOr ThAt."  
  
"Why don't we just go blow something up." Dennis asked.  
  
"WhY, tHaTs BriLlANt! ThEy WiLl ThInK iT wAs Us, UsEiNg bOmBs!" Pikachu smirked.  
He had a plan.  
  
* * *  
  
Zell strolled down the hall of Balamb, looking around for squall. He finally found him in thibrary, showing Rinoa some books. "Hey! Squall!"  
  
Squall groaned. "What Zell?"  
  
"Do you happen to have a SUPER RARE MAD SKILLZ Gilamesh card? I need one!"  
  
"Maybe..."  
  
"I really need one! Remember that girl at the library who collected cards? Well, its heirthday! Please man, im begging you!"  
  
Squall thought for a moment. Give his precious card to his friend, or keep it like a greedastard. The choice was, of course, easy. "No, I don't have one."   
  
"Then what about the card club? How can I get in touch with them?"   
  
"I told you, the only rule about Card Club, is that you don't talk about Card Club." He didn'uite understand that rule, but it fit the situation here.  
  
"Squall, come on! I really, really, really need that card! I'll never ask a favor of you again!"  
  
"No."  
  
Zell punched the wall. You think the jerk would have learned from Christmas, but no, he watill just a loner. "I'll find them myself." He stormed back to the main hall of garden.   
  
"Squall! Look! A Homey D. coloring book!"   
  
* * *  
  
Zell sat at the cafeteria, eating one of his hotdogs from the tray of 20. He looked around oticed Selphie and Irvine eating together. "Hey!" He shouted as he got up and ran over they're table. "Do you two know anything about the card club?"   
  
The shook they're heads. "Why don't you ask squall?" Selphie suggested.   
  
"I already tried. He wouldn't tell me anything." Zell began punching at the air. "I need thaard!"  
  
"Sorry, we don't know."   
  
Downcast, Zell returned to his table to find some heartless soul had stolen all of his hotdogs.  
"Damn it!"   
  
* * *  
  
"From now on, we will have peaceful relations with all sorceress's!" Cid adressed the gatheressembly of students in the Garden main hall.   
  
"Head Master Cid? Can I go to the bathroom?" One of the students of garden asked,  
interrupting Cid.  
  
"Oh, very well, just hurry it up!"  
  
The student dashed off, only to come back minute later in panic. "There's a bomb in thathroom!"  
  
"Damn it, another timed smoke bomb?" He asked, irritated.  
  
"No sir! It's C4!"   
  
"Oh my god! Evacuate the building! Evacuate!" He screamed, causing all the students to panind trample each other in an attempt to reach the doors.  
  
Several men in black suits busted through the doors, spraying anyone who got in there waith fire extinguishers. "Don't panic! We have the situation under control!" One of theelled. The other two ran to the bathroom and began to defuse the bomb.   
  
"This is a model X57! We must be very careful!" One said. He took out his tool kit and ran hiinger on the red wire protruding from the square box. "The red wire is the trigger..."   
  
"Let me handle this!" The other grabbed the bomb and yanked all the wires out. Thountdown stopped. "Here, dump this outside." He gave the bomb to the other man.  
  
"How...how did you do that?" The first man took the bomb outside. It exploded.   
  
"Don't panic! We have the situation under control!"   
  
* * *  
  
"I cAn'T bElieVe IT. AlL i AsKeD fOr WaS a CoUpLe ThOuSaNd DeAtHs, jUsT lIkE aNy  
OtHeR mAsS mUrDeR, aNd HoW mAnY pEoPlE dO yOu KiLl? OnE! dO yOu ReAlIz3 hOw  
MuCh ThAt C4 cOsT!?" Pikachu glared at his subordinates.  
  
"A lot?" Dennis said timidly.   
  
"WeLl GiVe ShUrLoCk A cOoKiE. NoW iM gOiNg To HaVe To Go BaCk To ThE  
tEnEbRoUs MaRkEt To GeT sOmE oThEr WeApOn Of MaSs DeStRuCtIoN!"  
  
"Isn't it the black market?" Mint asked.  
  
"WeLl, ThEy DiDn'T tHiNk BlAcK mArK3T sOunDeD @5 gO0d.   
  
* * *  
  
"Thorn, a question, I have." Zorn said, looking up from the control panel.   
  
Thorn sighed. "What?"   
  
"Gravity, up here, why is it?"  
  
Thorn thought for a few minutes. "Shut up and get back to work."  
  
"Done, it is!"  
  
"Why didn't you tell me that sooner!" He hit his twin in the jaw. "Now aim the laser!"  
  
"Laser aimed at ShinRa Inc tower!"  
  
"Fire laser, for great justice!"   
  
A large green arc erupted from the space station, plummeting towards its target.   
  
* * *  
  
"Excuse me sir, you should take a look at this."   
  
"What is it now?" Rufus demanded angrily.   
  
"Open your window."  
  
He sighed.. He rose from his desk and opened the curtains covering up his window. "Oh shit,  
not again."  
  
* * *  
  
"We did it!"  
  
"We did it!"  
  
Thorn quickly ran to the telephone and dialed the SEEL headquarters.  
  
"We did it! Midgar is down! Move in and take over!" Zorn said excitedly. He hung up anegan hopping around in glee, Thorn following shortly after.  
  
* * *  
  
A second explosion erupted in midgar, followed by a several soldiers rushing through the gatend pointing they're guns at the mass of fleeing people. "Nobody move! Put your hands in thir and keep them there!"  
  
There was a mummer and the terrorist shuffled to the side to make room for a small yellonimal and four humans. "GrEEtInGs PeSaNtS." The yellow thing said. "I aM yOur nEUlEr, LoRd pIkAcHu!" He kicked a nearby terrorist and grabbed the man's gun while he waneeling over. "As YoUr NeW rUlEr, YoU wIlL dO wHaTeVeR I SaY, AnD i SaY, KeEp  
YoUr HaNdS iN ThE AiR." He walked along the ranks of terrified citizens until he came ttop at a man with a long brown beard. He was dressed in torn shirt and pants and a rope belt.  
"YoU! dRoP dOwN aNd GiVe Me TwEnTy." The man glanced at the gun nervously anegan to crouch down.   
  
The crowd gasped and screamed as Pikachu shot the unfortunate soul in the head. "I tOlD yOu  
To KeEp YoUr HaNdS iN tHe AiR." He turned to face the rest of the onlookers. "We nOw  
HaVe A zErO tOlErAnCe PoLiCy fOr ThE hOmElEsS. NoW, SoMeOnE gO rOb a  
HoMeLeSs sHelTeR aNd BrInG mE bAcK a DaNiSh."  
  
* * *  
  
"Are you sure that the laser satellite is this way? We passed the PuPu mother ship a hour ago."  
Cid III asked.  
  
"How the $^@& should I know!? Ask our guide!" grumped Cid seven.  
  
The small trash can like machine with a red cape that had been immobile suddenly came to lifith a rapid flash of lights from its chest. "Ershin knows where she is going." It moved closeo Cid III "Ershin said she knows where she is going." It moved closer, causing the scared mao move back "When Ershin says she knows where she is going, Ershin knows!"  
  
Cid seven sighed and looked back at number three. "We are in space. You think you coulake that friggin raincoat off now!?"  
  
* * *  
  
In the slums of midgar frightened families took refuge in the nearest dark corner, playing tod that they would not be spotted by the on coming mob. Parents grabbed children and pullehem away, and despite the fear that they caused, the army continued to march, a large line oellow cutting through the darkness of the slums.   
  
* * *  
  
"FuRtHeR mOrE, ThErE wIlL bE nO mOrE TeLe MaRkEtErS aNd ThE hElLiSh  
MeRcHaNdIsE tHeY oFfEr In ThEy'Re SpEw." Pikachu raised his fists to the sky and thaptive crowd gave him another weak cheer. The man in back of him wrote down another onf the new laws, bringing the total to one hundred and fifty six.   
  
"Pikachu!" The loud squawk echoed back and forth around the ruins of midger.   
  
Pikachu looked to his right, and saw a incredibly obese chocobo, flanked by two thinner anarger ones. The one on the right gestured at the large chocobo. "The Chocofather says that."  
The Chocofather leaned over and mumbled something else. "He also says he want's to knohy you lied to him Pikachu.. He doesn't like people who lie to him Pikachu He says that yoave ten seconds to hand over the cash." Hoards of chocobo's marched in front of the  
Chocofather. Pikachu's mercenaries withdrew they're guns.   
  
Pikachu took a walkie talkie from a guard behind him and quickly spoke into it. "FiRe ThE  
laSeR oN tHe ChOcObO's!"  
  
"10"  
  
"9"  
  
* * *  
  
"Fire the laser in 8!"  
  
"The laser, fire in 7!"  
  
"6!"   
  
"5!"  
  
"4!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Outer space travel, hmph, back in my day, all we did was travel in ships! Ship I tell you." Cid  
II grumped.   
  
Cid VIII staring out the front of the ship suddenly made something out in the darkness opace. "We're going to crash into something!"  
  
"If im right, we will be crashing in...3...2" Cid VIIII strapped himself in his seat.  
  
* * *  
  
"One!"  
  
"One!"   
  
A large explosion shook the space station, at the lights flickered, then went dead. "We don'ave power!" Said Zorn.  
  
"Power, we don't have!" Echoed Thorn "Get to the emergency back up generators, we must!"  
  
"Sorry, but you %#&* jesters wont be going anywhere." Several Cid's had silently encirclehe pair.  
  
"I hope they have good food in jail, at least." Zorn said.  
  
* * *  
  
Pikachu looked up expectantly, but nothing happened. "WeLl, ShIt, It SeEmS wE aRe  
ScReWeD. ReTrEaT!" He hopped out of his chair and darted through the army to the back,  
where a helicopter was waiting to pick him up. He jumped in and took off.   
  
"The Chocofather says, "Kill them fools!"." One of the chocobos announced, and Pikachu'rmy of mercenaries was cut down before they could even fire a shot.   
  
* * *  
  
Three days after the battle, a joyous parade swept through midgar, the Chocofather at the lead,  
being carried around midgar until he came to the construction site of the new ShinRa HQ.  
Rufus stood on the steps, with reave behind trying to kick CaitSith away, but failing miserablnd making a fool of himself. The Chocofather stooped in front of him and Rufus steppeorward. "For saving the city of midgar, by accident or not, we present you with this very nicooking plasma ball." He handed him a large ball that seemed to have lightning trapped insidt. The Chocofather raised it over his head and mumbled something to his interpreter.   
  
"The Chocofather sa-"  
  
"No, no need to thank me." Rufus said, smiling.   
  
The chocobo cleared his throat and glared at Rufus. "The Chocofather wants to know whahe hell he's supposed to do with this damn ugly ball."  
  
Mentality Imbroglio  
Written, Directed and Produced by: CaitSith  
Original Concept by: CaitSith   
Ideas stolen from: ...No one?  
  
  
This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to or appearance of actual people, places, or events is intendenly for purposes of political and social satire. Based on the games by Square.  
  
Authors Notes: Wow, when did I actually start this thing? Well, about the time Gameboy Advance came out.  
Long time? Yep Chances are this will go unnoticed, but I had fun doing it.  
  
A Insane production 


End file.
